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ProwlingTyger
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Name: BlakkStrype
Country: United States
State: North Carolina
Birthday: 1/5/1975
Gender: Male
Interests: Endless prowling...looking for what? Weight lifting, cardio, making sure i still sink in water, watching people (you right now in fact), music (I'll freak in silence)...being knee deep in anything hard to do
Expertise: Fitness training, loud music, and daydreaming to the nth degree
Occupation: D.J./Personal Trainer
Industry: Entertainment/Health
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  Phoeniks451
Member Since:
8/21/2004
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| It's strange how my perspective changes...I've come into work energized, starving, but feeling good. We haven't gotten but mere steps into the night and I've come to a low point. Realizing again that there are things in life I want and (at this time) can not have. Towards the end of last year I lost my bike...the term for it is a Highside, the actuality is more like Greek tragedy. Due to physics, gravity, pilot error, and liability only insurance; I sold the remains of the death machine and got caught up on some past due items. Perhaps I'm getting ahead of myself...my bike was a means of release, of freedom. The movies where the hero/antihero/lone stranger/villain rides off with no ties to past or present. Visualize, the ability to let that which truly does not matter..go. The feeling it brings...a warm summer day, the sight, sound and feel of that warm breeze the flows over your skin and through your very being. Now..add to that the light thump of your heart beat, The brief but noticeable pulse of your body adding to the feeling of excitement and connecting you to this breeze. All of this you can control...the intensity increases as you desire and continues as long as you wish. There are days I forget all this, that I think it's best if I let that part of my life go while I work on making my daily life more stable. Then... there are days where these thoughts consume and move me as if I'm as hardwired to do this as I am to have sex. A philological reaction to the memory as one, such as I, would have to a beautiful woman. These are some of the thoughts that wash over my mind at these times of realization...the dawning of the awareness that all that I'm doing right now, will not bring the things I want fast enough. A reminder that the decisions I've made in my life have brought me to this point. That I have done this to myself and that despite all my efforts "I feel confined, only free to expand myself within boundaries." I feel that the thing which brings me beyond these boundaries, or perhaps make me feel more comfortable within them, is just beyond my reach. | | |
| ...for the longest time I've given advice to my felmale friends about their shiesty men. But now I find myself, for the first time, among the ranks of the shiesty. While dating my now x-girlfriend I went out with some friends and wound up making out with one of our mutual acquaintences...that's the short and quick of it. Pretty much everything else is irrelevant. I didn't tell her the next day of even that night...I wasn't sure how these things are confessed. Now she's gone ape-shit (I've made apologies and been honest about the whole deal) and while I don't believe or even expect her to forgive me I've come to realize that the relationship was one that gave me hope...before I met her and we started dating I had given up on anything that was remotely good about relationships and she showed me otherwise. We've had out words (she found out from the person I made out with...who didn't know we were dating and continues to tell her all about since she doesn't know still)...and while we've come to the calm and accepting part of this little break-up ( she's found a rebound but wound up have sex with me today for some reason) I wonder: do you chase someone because they're alot of what you want even though after 6 months you haven't had more than an "I care for you" feeling? Or accept the fact that you miss having someone there and know you won't find someone like that in an unknown amount of time? I'm hoping for the emotion to go with the action....and with this particular person I only got a glimpse of it here at the end. I guess I still have hope to hold to...as immaterial as it is. | | |
| repeatedly I've heard "you will know when you find it," I'm thinking they forgot to account for those of us who don't get hints too easily. This latest time I've heard of it the reference was toward jobs: "you've got to find what you love. And that is as true for work as it is for your lovers." I've had alot of jobs and my share of loversand have yet to find that mutual, long lasting, ethereal love that everyone seems to talk about...in jobs or otherwise.
Passions on the other hand....well, between strength training and motorcyling I've got these material ones locked down... | | |
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I just answered this Featured Question, you can answer it too!
Usually I just make sure the 954RR is in first gear when I come home at 3am and call it good when the TV is on blast while I watch Transformers at odd hours of day =p
About me:
its been near hell. I picked up a second job selling motorcycle accessories at a local shop so its been work am to pm, break for food and a nap, then off to work pm to am just to do it all again the next day. The lingering problem is this: being fixated on my motorcycle and its potential for upgrades I work in a place that bleed my coffers dry. Its like I'm constantly busy with no real break inbetween. Fun for a time but in the long run I think it might wear me out. Sooooo...other than that its been the usual actions of any action hero, dodging bullets and taking ass chewings from his bosses. Granted the first part is metaphorical, the last part is terribly literal. I finally got to the point where I'm asking the bosses WTF. Yeah, I'll have to let you all know how it ends up. I watched the movie Revolver (Jason Statham, Andre 3000, Ray Liotta) last night. GREAT movie...completely psychological and worth the buy, if for no other reason than it needs to watched a couple of times...the commentary helps. Seriously, watch this movie. Its on par with Ghost in the Shell as far as cinamatography and mental stimulation.
I hope you all are doin well and I'm sorry I haven't been around much | | |
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I just answered this Featured Question, you can answer it too!
Xanga and my iPhone ate my post...TWICE. My life is fucked. My weekends are spent trying to forget and fix it, all at the same time. | | |
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